Here's what I know about the world.

1. Getting attached to people, whether platonically, romantically, or whatever...is horribly disheartening when you come upon realizing that "it, too, shall pass." So you have two choices: either make sure your people are down for life, no matter what, or don't get attached. The first is highly unlikely, and the second is difficult to accomplish.

2. Don't drink a lot of coffee. It'll make you pee a lot, and you'll be a jittery midget for the rest of your life. Who wants that? Really...who wants to be around a jittery midget that gets up to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes? WHO??

3. Don't wear your hair down when it's sweltering hot, no matter how good you think it makes you look, because I promise you, in 10 minutes you will look 100x worse than you thought you would with a simple ponytail before you left the house.

4. Contrary to popular belief, the Jerry & Elaine type of relationship is the hardest to maintain. Don't try it at home; it DOES NOT work like in the show. There's a lot more to be dealt with, and it's almost always painful.

5. Wearing heels all day in NYC is like guzzling a carbonated soda beverage without taking a break for the tingling sensation to stop burning your throat.

6. Never pose a vague question or try a new joke on an analytical thinker. You will regret it for at least an hour.

7. NEVER, EVER, EVER, "really want" a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a wife or husband. That makes you focused on the wrong things, with EVERYONE. If you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone reading People, Us Weekly, InTouch, and Okay! Magazine and being jealous of celebrity relationships (which to my knowledge are the worst kind), just trust that you'll stumble upon him or her when you least expect it.

8. If you CAN do something nice for someone, do it already.

9. If you need help with anything, make sure you really need help. No one likes the guy/girl that can easily do it him/herself.

10. Never kick anyone while they're down, because you'll need someone to help you up later.

11. Make sure you laugh out loud once a day. At least. If you can't do this, call me, and I'll make you.

12. Anything involving fish is automatically going to smell pretty bad.

13. Instead of cursing, you should learn a new word every day. That way, when you insult someone or something, you'll sound smart.

That's it.

Holy Moses.

I just wanna say...being a girl HURTS.

On top of what I've already experienced in my girlhood, I went and got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in my life today.

I usually like to trim them with a razor, but lately it hasn't been cutting close enough for me, so what better alternative than to RIP THE HAIR OUT BY THE ROOT??

It's only because of this that I choose not to fear anything except frogs. Why would I be afraid of a cockroach or spider or salamander and yet purposefully inflict such pain on my being?? By old age, I want to be able to say "Go ahead, shoot. Pull the trigger!! I bet it doesn't hurt." instead of "LOOORRRRDDD PLEEEAASSSEEE NOOOOOO!!!"

If I die from the gun wound, at least my last words were bold and brave, right? And if I don't, all I have to do is not cry.

Anyway, here are some other things girls do that are painful but make them look great:

Shave legs (yo, that razor is sharp. I cut myself at least every other time)

Pop pimples (It hurts, but I hate pimples. A better alternative would be to drink a lot more water)

Hair (ironing, curling, braiding, weaving...it doesn't end. I say leave it up or down and call it a day)

Makeup (I say it hurts because it takes up time. And because I've stabbed myself in the eye with eyeliner plenty a time. Or blinded myself with powder)

Fake nails (I hate them, they hurt, and they're annoying. I cut them down to the quick once a week)

Scrub face (at least it comes out clean and baby-bottom smooth)

Etc. that I probably know nothing about

I know the Bible says not to adorn my outward appearance with things that don't matter, so I don't really like to spend more than an hour getting ready to do anything (including shower and picking out clean clothes). Also, I don't consider it adorning as much as it is good hygiene, you know? I can't have sycamores growing outta my legs, pimples all over my face, and ridiculously bushy brows...to some people that wouldn't matter, but nowadays it's considered bad hygiene...I don't make the rules, I just break them, get in trouble for breaking them, and promise not to break them again.

But I'm just sayin...my eyebrows look GREAT.

Writing: a love/hate relationship

I just wanted to express how I can love and hate writing at the same time.

Same goes for reading, same goes for talking to people.

I love writing because I'm good at it, and my ideas are best expressed on paper (or online, thanks to Al Gore and the Internet). This is true, no matter what I'm writing about. It could be anything from a blog about how amazing I am to a 20-page paper about environmental awareness. Wither way, it's an A+, unless whoever's reading is completely crazy and hates my arrangement of words.

I hate writing when people tell me to. Even when it comes to something I probably would have thought up to write out myself, I still will LOATHE doing it, only when someone even suggests that I write it. I don't know why...I can't stand it. Like for example, the other day, someone asked me to "please write out my spiritual testimony" for them on Facebook. I have yet to do it. Of course, that's something I'd be glad to write, and I'm sure I have a lot to say. If she had given me like 5 minutes before she asked me, I probably would have done it myself anyway. BUT...the problem is...it's homework now. Homework I'd love to do, but still...an assignment. That's like putting my brain in a box.

Well, my brain is in a box...called my head...but you know what I mean. I'm not free to think, all of a sudden. I don't know, it's weird.

As a matter of fact, I do have a 20-page paper on environmental awareness due this Saturday at 5pm. Guess when I'm going to turn it in...probably 5.30, or Sunday. Because even though I have enough information to let the world know what's going on, more so than they would ever want to know, I DON'T WANT TO WRITE IT ALL DOWN. That sucks. I feel like it's a waste of time. I mean, I JUST did a presentation on it a couple days ago, do you really want me to write down everything I JUST SAID???!! *sigh*

AND...IT'S BORING. Who the heck wants to read all that? Which brings me to reading. I love to read. I WILL NOT read something someone tells me to read, even if it's proclaimed to be the best book in the world. It was already hard enough to get me to read the Bible, and I'm not even good at getting into that every single day. BECAUSE people tell me I have to read it every day!! This could be a problem I might have with authority, because God says I should read it every day too, and I'm like "yeah right." I dunno, maybe in order to get me to read a book, you should leave it somewhere that I will most obviously see it, and hope that the idea of reading it will cross my mind. Like a booby trap or something.

Also, Don't tell me to call or talk to or ask anyone anything. I won't do it. Sorry.

However, I am great.