Here's what I know about the world.

1. Getting attached to people, whether platonically, romantically, or whatever...is horribly disheartening when you come upon realizing that "it, too, shall pass." So you have two choices: either make sure your people are down for life, no matter what, or don't get attached. The first is highly unlikely, and the second is difficult to accomplish.

2. Don't drink a lot of coffee. It'll make you pee a lot, and you'll be a jittery midget for the rest of your life. Who wants that? Really...who wants to be around a jittery midget that gets up to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes? WHO??

3. Don't wear your hair down when it's sweltering hot, no matter how good you think it makes you look, because I promise you, in 10 minutes you will look 100x worse than you thought you would with a simple ponytail before you left the house.

4. Contrary to popular belief, the Jerry & Elaine type of relationship is the hardest to maintain. Don't try it at home; it DOES NOT work like in the show. There's a lot more to be dealt with, and it's almost always painful.

5. Wearing heels all day in NYC is like guzzling a carbonated soda beverage without taking a break for the tingling sensation to stop burning your throat.

6. Never pose a vague question or try a new joke on an analytical thinker. You will regret it for at least an hour.

7. NEVER, EVER, EVER, "really want" a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a wife or husband. That makes you focused on the wrong things, with EVERYONE. If you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone reading People, Us Weekly, InTouch, and Okay! Magazine and being jealous of celebrity relationships (which to my knowledge are the worst kind), just trust that you'll stumble upon him or her when you least expect it.

8. If you CAN do something nice for someone, do it already.

9. If you need help with anything, make sure you really need help. No one likes the guy/girl that can easily do it him/herself.

10. Never kick anyone while they're down, because you'll need someone to help you up later.

11. Make sure you laugh out loud once a day. At least. If you can't do this, call me, and I'll make you.

12. Anything involving fish is automatically going to smell pretty bad.

13. Instead of cursing, you should learn a new word every day. That way, when you insult someone or something, you'll sound smart.

That's it.