Here's what I know about the world.

1. Getting attached to people, whether platonically, romantically, or whatever...is horribly disheartening when you come upon realizing that "it, too, shall pass." So you have two choices: either make sure your people are down for life, no matter what, or don't get attached. The first is highly unlikely, and the second is difficult to accomplish.

2. Don't drink a lot of coffee. It'll make you pee a lot, and you'll be a jittery midget for the rest of your life. Who wants that? Really...who wants to be around a jittery midget that gets up to go to the bathroom every 5 minutes? WHO??

3. Don't wear your hair down when it's sweltering hot, no matter how good you think it makes you look, because I promise you, in 10 minutes you will look 100x worse than you thought you would with a simple ponytail before you left the house.

4. Contrary to popular belief, the Jerry & Elaine type of relationship is the hardest to maintain. Don't try it at home; it DOES NOT work like in the show. There's a lot more to be dealt with, and it's almost always painful.

5. Wearing heels all day in NYC is like guzzling a carbonated soda beverage without taking a break for the tingling sensation to stop burning your throat.

6. Never pose a vague question or try a new joke on an analytical thinker. You will regret it for at least an hour.

7. NEVER, EVER, EVER, "really want" a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a wife or husband. That makes you focused on the wrong things, with EVERYONE. If you don't want to spend the rest of your life alone reading People, Us Weekly, InTouch, and Okay! Magazine and being jealous of celebrity relationships (which to my knowledge are the worst kind), just trust that you'll stumble upon him or her when you least expect it.

8. If you CAN do something nice for someone, do it already.

9. If you need help with anything, make sure you really need help. No one likes the guy/girl that can easily do it him/herself.

10. Never kick anyone while they're down, because you'll need someone to help you up later.

11. Make sure you laugh out loud once a day. At least. If you can't do this, call me, and I'll make you.

12. Anything involving fish is automatically going to smell pretty bad.

13. Instead of cursing, you should learn a new word every day. That way, when you insult someone or something, you'll sound smart.

That's it.

Holy Moses.

I just wanna say...being a girl HURTS.

On top of what I've already experienced in my girlhood, I went and got my eyebrows waxed for the first time in my life today.

I usually like to trim them with a razor, but lately it hasn't been cutting close enough for me, so what better alternative than to RIP THE HAIR OUT BY THE ROOT??

It's only because of this that I choose not to fear anything except frogs. Why would I be afraid of a cockroach or spider or salamander and yet purposefully inflict such pain on my being?? By old age, I want to be able to say "Go ahead, shoot. Pull the trigger!! I bet it doesn't hurt." instead of "LOOORRRRDDD PLEEEAASSSEEE NOOOOOO!!!"

If I die from the gun wound, at least my last words were bold and brave, right? And if I don't, all I have to do is not cry.

Anyway, here are some other things girls do that are painful but make them look great:

Shave legs (yo, that razor is sharp. I cut myself at least every other time)

Pop pimples (It hurts, but I hate pimples. A better alternative would be to drink a lot more water)

Hair (ironing, curling, braiding, weaving...it doesn't end. I say leave it up or down and call it a day)

Makeup (I say it hurts because it takes up time. And because I've stabbed myself in the eye with eyeliner plenty a time. Or blinded myself with powder)

Fake nails (I hate them, they hurt, and they're annoying. I cut them down to the quick once a week)

Scrub face (at least it comes out clean and baby-bottom smooth)

Etc. that I probably know nothing about

I know the Bible says not to adorn my outward appearance with things that don't matter, so I don't really like to spend more than an hour getting ready to do anything (including shower and picking out clean clothes). Also, I don't consider it adorning as much as it is good hygiene, you know? I can't have sycamores growing outta my legs, pimples all over my face, and ridiculously bushy brows...to some people that wouldn't matter, but nowadays it's considered bad hygiene...I don't make the rules, I just break them, get in trouble for breaking them, and promise not to break them again.

But I'm just sayin...my eyebrows look GREAT.

Writing: a love/hate relationship

I just wanted to express how I can love and hate writing at the same time.

Same goes for reading, same goes for talking to people.

I love writing because I'm good at it, and my ideas are best expressed on paper (or online, thanks to Al Gore and the Internet). This is true, no matter what I'm writing about. It could be anything from a blog about how amazing I am to a 20-page paper about environmental awareness. Wither way, it's an A+, unless whoever's reading is completely crazy and hates my arrangement of words.

I hate writing when people tell me to. Even when it comes to something I probably would have thought up to write out myself, I still will LOATHE doing it, only when someone even suggests that I write it. I don't know why...I can't stand it. Like for example, the other day, someone asked me to "please write out my spiritual testimony" for them on Facebook. I have yet to do it. Of course, that's something I'd be glad to write, and I'm sure I have a lot to say. If she had given me like 5 minutes before she asked me, I probably would have done it myself anyway. BUT...the problem is...it's homework now. Homework I'd love to do, but still...an assignment. That's like putting my brain in a box.

Well, my brain is in a box...called my head...but you know what I mean. I'm not free to think, all of a sudden. I don't know, it's weird.

As a matter of fact, I do have a 20-page paper on environmental awareness due this Saturday at 5pm. Guess when I'm going to turn it in...probably 5.30, or Sunday. Because even though I have enough information to let the world know what's going on, more so than they would ever want to know, I DON'T WANT TO WRITE IT ALL DOWN. That sucks. I feel like it's a waste of time. I mean, I JUST did a presentation on it a couple days ago, do you really want me to write down everything I JUST SAID???!! *sigh*

AND...IT'S BORING. Who the heck wants to read all that? Which brings me to reading. I love to read. I WILL NOT read something someone tells me to read, even if it's proclaimed to be the best book in the world. It was already hard enough to get me to read the Bible, and I'm not even good at getting into that every single day. BECAUSE people tell me I have to read it every day!! This could be a problem I might have with authority, because God says I should read it every day too, and I'm like "yeah right." I dunno, maybe in order to get me to read a book, you should leave it somewhere that I will most obviously see it, and hope that the idea of reading it will cross my mind. Like a booby trap or something.

Also, Don't tell me to call or talk to or ask anyone anything. I won't do it. Sorry.

However, I am great.

Okay. I need for you to sit down. I need you to close the door to whatever room you're in, plug your headphones in, and pay attention.

Then press play.

When was the last time you heard something so convicting? I love this commercial. So many people are jaded by fame and success, that failure doesn't seem normal anymore...and these sporting goods companies don't help, with sneakers that make you run faster and jump higher, shirts made with material that makes your sweat feel like ice water, drinks that make you muscular, and everything else under the sun that's been made for you to be perfect and never a failure. Then we sit and wonder why it doesn't work, when it doesn't work.

Thank you, Nike.

And yes, I realize this makes me want to buy from them, regardless of whether a little Asian girl's hands have to bleed. That's a whole other issue.

This is terrible.

Okay. This is the second time I've seen this.

Why is it that when a photographer captures a picture of our softball players, it's at the exact moment when they look the most..."durrr??"

Look. Just look at this.

I blurred out her eyes, for the sake of dignity.

I would never want to be caught looking like this, especially two days in a row. I mean, I'm not the most photogenic person in the world, but I'd like a picture displaying my athleticism to make me look...well, athletic.

Not retarded.

I could be wrong, maybe some professional in softball is looking at this picture and thinking to him/herself: "wow, what form! She's a really good player, for serial!" This goes to show I know nothing about softball. But really though...this is not a good picture.

I feel kinda bad posting this, because it makes me seem insensitive to people with disabilities or mental retardation or whatever. I promise, I love everyone, probably more than the next person, and I have nothing against the girl pictured...heck, I don't even know her. I'm just saying...this is the second day in a row this has happened to our softball team. I swear we're not retarded or special olympics, but someone else may find this hard to believe.

In other news, I'm an amazing individual, ready to change the world.

Starting with Alberta tryouts tomorrow. I'm trying to figure out if this is at all wise.

Let me tell you how to get...

How to get to Sesame Streeeeet. Because that's where I'm headed.

I found out yesterday that I got an internship for this summer at the Sesame Workshop. I am officially a production intern! I'm pretty excited, because it seems like the lady likes me a lot...AND I want to work there for the rest of my life, so hopefully I do such a good job that they want to offer me an actual job whenever I'm done.

Now, before I continue, let me tell you that I got my BS in Telecommunication Production, and I'm getting my MA in Educational Technology.

So the next person that asks me any of the following questions, I might punch in the face, because I was never a theatre major or a puppet master.

1. So are you gonna be on TV singing songs with Elmo and Big Bird?

2. So are you gonna BE Elmo and Big Bird?

3. So are you gonna be Gordon's neice or Miles's girlfriend or something?

4. So are we gonna see you on the show?

I do PRODUCTION. I am not an actor, I am not a singer, I am not a puppeteer. If they want my face in front of the camera, I'm sure it'll only be because they ran out of actors, or someone died. I mean, I wouldn't mind, but that's not what I went to school for, so that's kind of a waste of time.

It's just like everyone telling me I should be a comedienne or on TV or something...don't tell me what to do, just accept the fact that I'm behind the camera, not in front of it, and I like it that way. If for some reason I do end up in front of the camera and I happen to like it better there and I actually become successful that way, that's fine, but that's only going to happen by chance...not necessarily by force of will.

Mkay??

*sigh* So yeah, I'm a production intern at the Sesame Workshop. It's going to be amazing.

last one for today, i promise.

Okay. So Mariah Carey's new album is called E=MC2 (pretend the 2 is superscripted, meaning "squared"). Does anyone else find this an abomination?

So now, when I google this component of the theory of relativity, I'm going to get Albert Einstein AND this...lady, for lack of a better term. And you know what's worse? It took Einstein YEARS to come up with this equation, right? It only takes Carey a couple month to show up second in the Google search. And soon, she will come up FIRST.

Granted, E=MC2 is quite a play on words. Unfortunately, however, that's the most intelligent thing I've ever heard or seen come from Mariah Carey, and she's probably not even the one to make it up.

I wish I didn't sound like a hater, but I do. I think she has a great voice, and I can even say I'm a fan of some of her music. Hey, she was #1 for forever, she'd better be good. I'm just trying to figure out why she wanted to start sounding smart all of a sudden. And for her first single to be "Touch My Body," I must say, having a sexual imagination does not count towards her GPA.

I wish she would show up to something educational, like be an advocate for something practical and necessary. She hasn't even showed up as a guest on Sesame Street.

I'm just saying: if you want to sound intelligent or even trick us into buying your album because it sounds like you're growing into a smart person, how about you prove it...without using any other body parts but your brain for thinking, your ears for listening, your eyes for seeing, and your mouth...for SPEAKING?

Yeah, another one.

I just wanted to announce that I officially have a favorite in this season of Hell's Kitchen: LouRoss.

Being someone that knows about broadcasting and television, I knew he was casted because he's so...weird, for lack of a better term. But I love him!

I enjoy the way he talks. I can actually pay attention to him when he speaks, and when he says "make love to the food," he actually means that! I mean, I know he's not going to go hump a chicken but I think it's safe to say that he has a passion for cooking.

His mohawk is awesome, pretty well kept. I like it.

He's so small! To be at that stature and have so much spunk is great.

And he reminds me of my brother, for some reason.

Let's hope he doesn't turn into a douche mid-season.

Annoying

I know a girl, and I wish I didn't, and I'm glad I'm only an acquaintance.

This girl has one of the most annoying voices and personalities ever.

First of all, she acts like a 30-year-old "cool Mom." You know the type. Yet, she's got to be like 20, and she has no kids. What the crap.

Secondly, she's SO FREAKIN' LOUD. I'm right in front of you, lady, stop screaming.

Thirdly, I think she might have hygiene issues.

Fourthly, she's got the most annoying laugh ever. Whenever I hear it, I want to punch a baby in the throat.

Lastly, someone needs to take her shopping, and to the salon.

I hate to talk this way, but I must get my feelings out somewhere, and out loud isn't an option.

At least she's super-smart.

"What, he has to go to school??!!"

As some of you may know, I work at a radio station. It's an AM station, so needless to say...sometimes it's hard NOT to fall asleep.

Anyway, I showed up 30 minutes before my shift, as usual, and the talk show before the show I produce is on the air. This lady is calling in, worried because her son does nothing but play video games all day, and he hardly even goes to school anymore. The host asked the lady how old her son was...

Before I say her son's age, let me say that it sounded like he was one of those computer-geek teens that would rather play WOW for life before going to school. It sounded like he would be a pretty good computer engineer, creating video games or working for NASA or something. And his not going to school seemed like the regular thing any high-school kid would want to do, and do the Ferris thing and pretend to be sick, etc.

This kid is twelve. TWELVE! Not even in high school yet. And might I add, one of the oldest ages middle school has got. At the same time, unless he's almost 6-foot like my 12-year-old cousin, his mom had better get a grip on this child and control his life like a parent is supposed to do.

"I can't just take away his video games..." HECK YES YOU CAN!! You can burn them, you can throw them away, you can scratch them so that he doesn't ever get past level 1, you can give them to someone else, you can do what you want with them, because chances are, you're the one that bought them for him in the first place. He's TWELVE! You don't treat a 12-year-old like an adult and assume he knows the right thing to do and will do it. If he wants to play video games, he's going to play video games, until you tell him he has to go to school. Then he'll go to school. Why are all these parents so worried about being friends with their kids, and trying so hard to keep their kids from hating them? It's gonna happen.

There was one point where I wish I had no parents, there was a point where my parents wish they had no parents...this goes down from generation to generation. At some point in life, everyone has said "I'll never do this to my kids," and later on does it anyway, or realizes it was a good thing in the first place. 

How do you allow your kid to play video games over going to school? Wait...wait...how do you not know that he HAS TO GO??  I mean, I know that you can't carry your kid to the bus and strap him to the seat, but you can MAKE him go to school. Because that's what parents do, they MAKE their kids do what's good for them. Truant officers have jobs for a reason. It's literally illegal to not send your kid to school. It's illegal for you to allow them the choice to act stupid and stay home playing video games, no matter how much they get bullied in school.

Now, about bullying. This will NEVER stop. I'm sorry to say, but bullying is as solid as hormones. It doesn't matter how smart, funny, good-looking, or anything you are, you have a flaw somewhere, and someone is going to find it and make the most of the opportunity to point it out to everyone else. This is not personal, EVER. Usually bullying comes from the need to detour attention that would otherwise be directed towards their own flaws, and it's directed towards the person that would normally point out the flaw just by breathing, on purpose or inadvertently.

Do you not get it? Let me break it down.

1. The big awkward girl will always pick on the cute little girl because her cuteness and little-ness will do nothing but attract attention to how huge and "disfigured" the first girl is.

2. The stupid kid is always going to pick on the smart kid, because if the kid weren't so smart, the other kid wouldn't be so relatively stupid.

3. The uni-racial kid will always pick on the bi-racial kid for a multitude of reasons, but surprisingly, the most common reason might also be the most simple: they get to look better AND be a part of the first person's race? "UNFAIR."

Get it now? So for a white kid to have a black mom is AWESOME, because hey, this kid has someone around that cares about them. But I bet the kids making fun of this kid for that fact do so because their Moms don't buy them bunches of video games, or they're stuck with their parents, while this kid gets to be adopted by a cool lady. It's always going to be something, I say let's build our confidence like normal people, stop taking everything so personally, and go change the world.

Phew.

Officially trying again

Okay. I'm here. I've grown accustomed to the fact that no one reads this, and I've grown accustomed to the fact that it's highly probable that no one will. So instead of being a big baby about it and not writing every day just to spite people, I'm going to give the world the benefit of the doubt and say to myself "One day...one day."

Anyway, I've also started YouTubing myself. Is that a verb? I don't know...maybe. Anyway, I started doing that a couple weeks ago, and I think I liked it. I just haven't really devoted a specific time during the week to work on doing it regularly. And I also think my videos are too long, and unfunny. In short, after two videos, I've allowed my insecurity to deem me reluctant to make real effort.

Moving on. I do find myself alone with my thoughts from time to time. But rather than make me lonely and feel like a loser, my thoughts entertain me. And when I write them down, they tend to entertain others. Just check facebook for this.

Finally, the topic aside from me: you know what it is...everyone's talking about it...you got it! 8 kids go to jail for getting involved in the beating up of one girl, for the possibility of getting YouTube fame.

First of all, does it REALLY take someone thinking out loud "Hey, this would make a good YouTube video" for people to stop and think about how beating people up might not be a good thing? Is 2008 REALLY the Year of Enlightenment?? Had I known this, I would have done A LOT more of my own grade-school beatings, now that I know that I wouldn't really go to jail for it unless I asked someone to tape it. 

People want to call these kids "sickos" and "retards" for picking this YouTube thing as a reason for their nonsense. I bet I know what really happened. It could be one or more of the following:

1. Victoria's GPA is WAAAAAYYYY better.

2. Victoria just got a new boyfriend...and he's hott.

3. Victoria said something behind one of the other kids' backs...to the wrong confidant.

4. Victoria is actually better-looking than all of them.

5. Victoria was elected/voted/appointed/awarded something oh-so-covetous.

6. Victoria was actually loved as a child.

I can write a huge list of reasons why a teen's first instinct would be to punch someone in the face until they were completely unconscious.

And it's also been reported that after they got arrested, they laughed about it, and prided in the fact that they made it to national TV. Here's the thing: I don't hear anyone laughing when each and every one of them (except for the one bailed out by Dr. Phil -- something worse might happen to her) are made into Big Mama's you-know-what. Actually...I might hear some laughing. Coming from me. But then I'd repent. And I feel worse for the boys...I heard anal rape is no fun at all, especially when the word "rape" implies that you're not up to it at the same time Tiny is. And you know Tiny...he's very demanding. So I'm guessing these guys are going to have to call it "anal awesome."

I could say some more, but I'm actually exhausted. Let's touch base tomorrow.

MAN I wish I had a real job.

Okay, so what I seemed to forget about being back in school is that you sometimes have to take classes that bear no interest to you whatsoever. And those are usually the classes you have the most homework in, so bonus.

Anyway, I didn't really want to write about how I need a real job in order to be happy. I just wanted to say something because I realize I'm not as good at keeping a blog as I used to be, so...here it is.

Maybe I'll find the motivation to write something when I don't feel like complaining all the time.